It’s been many months since Antony has been gone and I miss him.  Not just an ordinary, run-of-the mill missing, but a searing, painful missing.  Like when something upsets you so much you feel the bile rising up and burning your throat.  That’s the kind of missing when I think of him.

I can’t seem to grasp the fact that he is not here with me, that he’s gone.  It’s with absolute shock, no matter where I am or what I am doing, when the thought crosses my mind that he is not with me.  It’s as if my body has had a sword pierce right through it.  Cut me in half.

Antony Stewart Wrede became my friend in Grade 2.  My first recollection of him is him running past me in the corridor at the school, sliding to a stop, and saying with some real attitude “Oh, its you”.  Almost 20 years later we were married, and 20 years later he was murdered.  Lying dying right in front of me and I couldn’t help him.

He wasn’t just my friend, my husband, father of my children – He was my perfect, absolute fit – during the rough times and the good, during the laughing and the crying, during the ‘debating and the communicating’ (arguing in other words), during the stubbornness and the acquiescing – There will never be another fit like him.

So, this is what that stinking monster decided to take away from me on 09th November 2007.  A date seared into my head forever.  Just so he could fill his greed or just because he could!  Booze, drugs and sex were more important to him than a life.  A life that was spent making others laugh, a life spent working hard and never giving up, a life spent trying to be a good role model to his children, a life spent being a really funny, spirited, imaginative, character-filed, not perfect but almost (in my opinion), man.

What an horrendous crime that this putrid monster is still on the loose – free, enjoying his life – while we, all of us, are left with a shattering grief and horrible consequences of this monster’s deed.

What a shattering crime that South Africa, by and large, puts it’s head in the sand as far as crime goes and by its action condones it and consequently condones what happened to Antony.

 WE LOVE YOU ANTONY!

So sudden. So shocking. So undeserved.

Such loss to family and friends. Immeasurable.

Antony, so likable and easy to befriend.

A man who loved and cherished his family more than anything else,

With thought only to their well-being.

And, ‘best friend’ to siblings, nieces and nephews, to ‘in-laws’ and to friends…

Antony. We miss you so. We love you so.

Always fun loving, laughing, teasing and happy,

Yet, resourceful, dependable, affectionate, solid and strong …

Perhaps even sometimes argumentative and stubborn!

Yet, always there, with love, laughter and big bear hugs for all.

Forever learning, never afraid of any challenge …

And never a one to miss serious discussion and debate -

With the last word always his!

Antony, you are now with God. And, every time we hear thunder …

We’ll know you’re again ‘debating’ some or other issue with Him!

Antony so loved children, and shared such a special bond with many.

Even now, he’ll be watching over his family and the many children who touched his life.

Who knows, maybe he’ll even be playing cricket, or teaching the Angels to play hockey.

Watch for his face in the clouds as he jives and dives in ‘touch rugby’!

He was a dreamer. Dreaming of beautiful places.

Dreaming of doing so many things.

Many would seem impossible, but he never stopped dreaming.

And so many of us will keep dreaming of Antony.

Keeping his memory alive and real.

Remembering his stories. The bellyaches of laughs.

Antony, you have reached your final resting place

We miss you so very much

But we know that you are in a good place

And your soul is at rest and at peace.

Antony. We miss you so. We love you so.

And you will never be forgotten.

Poem by Caroline Tointon