It’s been many months since Antony has been gone and I miss him. Not just an ordinary, run-of-the mill missing, but a searing, painful missing. Like when something upsets you so much you feel the bile rising up and burning your throat. That’s the kind of missing when I think of him.
I can’t seem to grasp the fact that he is not here with me, that he’s gone. It’s with absolute shock, no matter where I am or what I am doing, when the thought crosses my mind that he is not with me. It’s as if my body has had a sword pierce right through it. Cut me in half.
Antony Stewart Wrede became my friend in Grade 2. My first recollection of him is him running past me in the corridor at the school, sliding to a stop, and saying with some real attitude “Oh, its you”. Almost 20 years later we were married, and 20 years later he was murdered. Lying dying right in front of me and I couldn’t help him.
He wasn’t just my friend, my husband, father of my children – He was my perfect, absolute fit – during the rough times and the good, during the laughing and the crying, during the ‘debating and the communicating’ (arguing in other words), during the stubbornness and the acquiescing – There will never be another fit like him.
So, this is what that stinking monster decided to take away from me on 09th November 2007. A date seared into my head forever. Just so he could fill his greed or just because he could! Booze, drugs and sex were more important to him than a life. A life that was spent making others laugh, a life spent working hard and never giving up, a life spent trying to be a good role model to his children, a life spent being a really funny, spirited, imaginative, character-filed, not perfect but almost (in my opinion), man.
What an horrendous crime that this putrid monster is still on the loose – free, enjoying his life – while we, all of us, are left with a shattering grief and horrible consequences of this monster’s deed.
What a shattering crime that South Africa, by and large, puts it’s head in the sand as far as crime goes and by its action condones it and consequently condones what happened to Antony.